intaglios

Dear you.

2010-09-01T23:03:00.003+08:00

You've left so long ago, why come back now? Why do you always come back at the worst times? Why do you even bother? Don't put the blame on me when you don't know what it is that you want. What do you want me to say? "Oh, okay. SURE!"

Who the fuck do you think I am? Some kind of doormat to you? You come and go as you please. Did you ever think how I would feel after that? How heartbroken I'll be? Because you know how attached I'll get to you?

You come and give me an occasional email. A text once in a while. What do you want me to say or do? Act as though nothing's happened? I dont know what to say to you. You can't come running back to me every damn time you're unsure about yourself so that you an make yourself feel better. Cause you know that there's some part of me that will always love you.

I told myself no more tears. Especially not after what you said that night. I'll never forgive you. But I'll never let you go either.

What am I worth? What do I mean to you?

You've come back after so long. I almost forgot about you. You look better now. Finally doing the things that you love while you ran away into your own little world. I don't have the energy for this. No, not anymore. I feel worn down to my bones because of you. You want to pay your respects to her? Go ahead. But don't ask me to go with you. Because, I won't disrespect her. I loved her with all my life.

I'm going to be there. And if you're there too, good for you. But don't expect anything out of me. Cause I've got nothing left to give.

2010-07-25T20:38:00.002+08:00

it feels weird to come back here after all this time.

but im here now.

i dont think there's any explanation is to why ive become such a person. except that i have.

sometimes you dont find honesty in people, simply because they can't be honest to themselves.

take me for instance, i couldnt be honest to myself. i couldnt be the person i am.

i always wanted more. wanting something different.

i wanted to be anyone but me.

in the end, i lost everything.

maybe the trick to finding someone who would love you for who are are, is first to accept yourself.

look at yourself in the mirror, accept your flaws and love yourself.

cause no one will love or respect you if you dont do that yourself.

but who's going to do that?

i know i wont. yeah.

who am i kidding?

im just as fucked up as everyone else out there.

2009-08-21T19:07:00.001+08:00

moved to tumblr!
cause haruna made me so tempted. haha.
cousin is flying off to NYC tmr.
hope he gets to see the cast of GG!

2009-08-18T18:58:00.001+08:00

i drool because its him.

2009-08-11T23:53:00.002+08:00

I've realised that I haven't been blogging as often as I used to, but it isn't bothering me that much. Actually, what bothers me nowadays? Looking at the time now, I know that I'm going to have some trouble waking up. And I obviously need coffee. I've realised that this blog has been lagging in pictures. I plan to rob my cousin of her polaroid camera.
Let's see, the past weekend was a good one. Spent with family, having awesome steamboat and playing mahjong. My first time playing by the way. I suck at it. If i was playing it with real money, I would have lost alot of money. That wouldn't be funny.
I feel that I've been going through some issues that I don't think I should be going through right now. Isuue number 1, commitment. I feel so inadequate. I feel like I'm failing in every way possible. No one deserves this kind of treatment. Especially not you, but I'm keeping my damn mouth shut because I don't want to hurt you. But somehow or rather, I know that I'm going to have to. It's just the matter of time. Maybe I was too eager, maybe I wanted something I don't have and I took things for granted. This is not right. I keep telling myself that. I get emotional over it. But it's true what they say. Easier said than done.

I've planned next year with Sam, its damn fast, I know. And you know what? Seeing Haruna switching to tumblr, makes me feel like doing it too. Damnit.
Too fucking tired to blog anymore.

SO STARSTRUCK.

2009-08-06T11:56:00.003+08:00

She takes a long drag of her cigarette and wonders, when you've lost all your will what's the one thing that allows you to live the next day? What pushes her to breathe her next breath? Obligation? The need to? She goes around living her life with no direction and no aim. With black smoke coating her darkened lungs. With a drink in hand. No destination in place. What was she to do? It was not like she bothered or cared about where she was going. She just went. What would you call a person like her?

I've been working to a point where my shoulders ache. But my shoulders ache all the time. I don't really know how to get rid of stiff shoulders. Maybe that's why i scream at people when the start massaging my shoulders. I want to go to Bangkok real soon. I have too many things that I need to buy. I should also probably stop watching Korean shows. They blow my mind out. I can sit infront of the laptop for hours just watching Family Outing. And there are still tv specials of bands and whatnot. It's times like these that I wish I could understand Korean. But life doesn't work that way. Anyone wants to go for Korean lessons with me?

I had a list of things I want to buy. But I guess I really need to change my list due to the fact that there are other more important things that I need and my wants are not as important. There's always Bangkok if Jane finally books the tickets. I might just change my mind and go with D instead.

Anyway, I can't wait for Sunday since it's another family day for the Lee/Goh family. With Mahjong and steamboat. Everything seems to be in order. Except for the fact that I'm going for mass on Sunday morning. Shocker, I know. I shock myself too sometimes. Now the problem is how to go there and get out without anyone knowing.

2009-08-02T15:58:00.001+08:00

despite being an avid x-men fan.
i still think wolverine is too overrated here.
hope there's the silver samurai guy.
although wolverine look a tad bit gay here.

colors on the wall.

2009-07-26T16:59:00.002+08:00

I find a need to go get more post-its in more colors. Because my wall is in a neat mess of them. Its just weird that the only colors on the wall is neon pink and green. And only two post-its are blue. Need to get prettier ones with more color.
I have a very strong urge to go get Mad Love. It's the comic I've been itching to buy for the longest time. LIKE SERIOUSLY. And to think that I was never a fan of DC comics. Harley Quinn is the best ever. I wanna be her. Even though that sounds slightly mad.
Tanning on Tuesday if I don't get the job.
Busy week. I promise myself that I'm going to write more now. Completed Crystal Meth. Bad ending, I know. I just don't have the patience for that anymore. Not when a better idea comes along and I get so excited with the thought of writing it.
Wait. Neck Cramp.
Got myself more K-pop songs and that makes me a really happy girl. I want to go to Lady GaGa's concert. Mummy's willing to buy me the tickets. But right now I can't find anyone to go with me.
Life's only going to get better. That's what I'm going to tell myself everytime I start to doubt myself. I suddenly enjoy being alone too much.

yeah.

to a woman so heartless.

2009-07-25T21:07:00.002+08:00

I should probably tell myself, not to do things in the heat of the moment. Because you'll just end up confused and frustrated. You end up hurting someone.
It was not like I wanted things to turn out this way. I waited. I tried. I tried to talk to you. When I decide to let go, you come back into the picture. Yesterday was one of the nicest days I've had in a long time. But I was too comfortable in my independence. I still am. Call it a commitment phobia. I think it is. Past relationships have been like crap. And you have not given me any reassurances that things will be better. You disappear for days in a row. You hardly have time to rest. Let alone time for family, or me.
Please don't think that I wanted to do this. The last thing I want to do is hurt our friendship.
I tried to wait for the right time, but it was gone too fast and I've moved on. I'm just scared that things won't turn out the way things should. I worry too much and I know it. I can't help myself. Tell me how to be sure when all you've had are jerks.
I think I'm just going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

over and again.

2009-07-22T10:00:00.002+08:00

funny how everything ends up to be about you.

stay strong, like i said. the hardest thing now is letting go.

There's obviously a reason why I choose to be pissed all the time rather than angry. And honestly, alot of my close friends have never seen me angry before. Simply because it's tiring. It wears you down so I choose to avoid it. But what happened last night was too much for me too take. I never knew how rash a person can get. Especially when someone has already gotten comfortable with things around them. Never thinking about the consequences of their actions.
Now I begin to wonder, who's the adult in the family? This has been a cycle I've been trying to break for the longest time. But if you don't wake up and look around you. You're going to fall into a bottomless pit.

mezza9

2009-07-16T11:03:00.003+08:00

Alright. I was supposed to blog about dinner last night but I'm half-assed to do it. And also because I forgot to bring my cable to transfer the pictures from my phone.
I went out with my mum yesterday to satisfy the cravings of porridge. My mother is convinced that I'm pregnant. Right, so we went to DFS to get my mother her lipstick because it's cheaper there. And we met up with Aunt Esther. I think I'll just stick to calling her Esther for now. She, I must say, is a real compulsive buyer. If you call me one, you're dead wrong. (I'm talking to you Jane.) She spent three thousand bucks in two hours. I'm hearing people asking of she needs godchildren right about now. Don't worry, I'm asking the same question.
So Esther says she wants a drink, and we're off to Hyatt. She suddenly changes her mind saying that we should have dinner a well. And the bill for the dinner costs up to $400.19. If you ask me how did the amount end up so high, it's all the oysters fault. There was this offer of 19 oysters and you get a bottle of champagne for free. Esther being the champagne lover, bought the oysters. What me and my mother didn't know is that the oysters cost $15 each. If you're shocked, so am I. But dinner is amazing. maybe I'm just saying that because the dinner was expensive.
Did I mention that i got myself a Lancome mascara and a Clinque blusher for free? Simply because Esther said take whatever you want to buy. I really want to be her Goddaughter. Haha.

I really want to go watch Harry Potter now. I really really want to. Emma Watson is the shit. She's damn hot. Personally, I think Harry Potter is better than Twilight. The character is more indepth and you can see how things develop. Twilight, is just really superficial. Which is why my new aim is to collect the Harry potter books. YAY. Then I have to wonder where the money comes from. I can hear people in class saying that they want to watch HP.
And I want to go Korea. Eat the food there, buy the clothes there. Meet Lee Min Ho. He's going to be my future husband. Haha. I just have to keep dreaming.

Pictures for mezza9 to be up soon. Until then, I'm going to watch me some youtube.

Two years ago, I remember staying awake at night.
Two years ago, I remember receiving that text from Godma.
Two years ago, I woke up at 6 in the morning packing my bag to make sure I had all my clothes.
Two years ago, I remember going to class and the first line I said was "My father just passed away."
Two years ago, I gave Kaira Milo cause she was hungry and I always had milo.
Two years ago, I didn't cry.
Two years later, I don't intend to cry.
Daddy, You're long gone. I wont harp on the fact that you weren't here when I got my heart broken. Because you always missed on on the important things. I hardly miss you, that's true. But when I do, it hurts. It still hurts. It hurts because I didn't know how angry I was. It hurt because i wasn't willing to forgive. I feel better now. Thank you for blessing me. Or the lack of it. Whichever you feel is right.
I'll keep the most perfect image of you in my mind.

Happy Birthday Aunt Viola!

I DONT CARE.

2009-07-14T22:03:00.002+08:00

There's always a reason why I love post secrets and why I visit multiple times a week. Because sometimes there's Saturday secrets as well as Sunday secrets.
The best think I love? I see my secrets in theirs.

Now, I feel whole.

2NE1/BIG BANG.

2009-07-14T16:07:00.002+08:00

simply because their song has been in my head for the longest time.
esp when they clap and go "i dont care eh eh eh eh eh."
loves CL and Dara.

the live version.

the MV.
love CL's afro.

way better than the pussycat dolls.

this song has been stuck in my head for the past week. damnit.

i wanna go korea now)):

HOLD ME WHEN I'M HERE.

2009-07-13T11:09:00.002+08:00

It;s been a mighty long time since I've put emotions to words. Usually there's a journal for this. But when I saw my journal last night, for the first time in a long time, I've felt disgusted with myself. I find myself going through the same circles only with someone different this time. I have a habit of reading my old entries, seeing if I have changed. It seems that there's something about me that doesn't seem to change at all. Its not like I choose to be like this. I just choose to ignore it and not do anything about it. That's where disgust kicks in.
I got caught crying by my mother last night. A revelation perhaps. I was looking through pictures and I wondered. What if I lost them? Yeah, heartache. Or maybe it's just a good excuse to cry. An excuse to let out pent out emotions. The perks of staying at home with nothing to do but watch Japanese dramas and think. People by now would be thinking, go get a job. I know. I want to try something new but nothing seems to be working out. Jun would say that the rainbow is right ahead. And I would pretend to believe him.
I would say, get out more. Enjoy more of life before you have to conform to society, work and have a life that everyone else seems to have. I don't seem to know what I want. Well, I have quite alot of things planned out for the end of the year. I'm actually looking forward to October. Bangkok and Oktoberfest. I'm just mighty good at digressing.

I wrote two songs last night. It has been a really long time since I've wrote and everything seems to make me travel back to the past. I think it was him that make me bitter and cynical. Time to change, time to change. That is what I always say but never do. Saying is easy. Its always easy.

K-POP OBSESSION.

2009-07-06T12:17:00.002+08:00

13 guys in a band is heaven.

I GOT MY BOF FIX!

SHAUN THE GENIUS.

2009-07-04T00:55:00.002+08:00

[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
eh u know any webbie that i can find tamil song lyrics?
artemis scythe★ says:
BUT ITS BETTER
no pain no gain
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
google the song
then can find the lyrics
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
i did
not helping
artemis scythe★ says:
www.upthecamelsballsturnright.com
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
FUCK. BASTARRRRDDD
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
HAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
artemis scythe★ says:
if he really click the i dont know what to say
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
it was actually ass not balls
but nvm
lol
artemis scythe★ says:
I ALWAYS SAY BALLS CANNOT AH
CRIME AH
SIN AH?
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
lol lol lol lol
artemis scythe★ says:
GO TO HELL FOR IT AH
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
yeah
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
fierce seyyyy
artemis scythe★ says:
hhaha.
i was laughing like mad
nasri arieyanto says:
is that a real website?
artemis scythe★ says:
stomach pain now
CB LA NAS
nasri arieyanto says:
cos i clicked, and nothing appears
it says page error
hmm interesting.

[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
u need a boost!
go wax ur jiggle!
artemis scythe★ says:
no one calls it jiggle
sounds like boobs
nasri arieyanto says:
jigle is boobs
thats the idea right
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
-.-"
artemis scythe★ says:
hahaha
no, shaun aint tt smart
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
LOL
http://vishnudharan.blogmas.com/2009/03/08/siva-manasula-sakthi-lyrics-oru-kal-oru-kannadi-lyrics/
artemis scythe★ says:
his jiggle means chi chi
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
shaun that's for you
nasri arieyanto says:
whats chi chi
artemis scythe★ says:
pa pat
puki
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
chibai
you want the tamil version also?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
hahhah
thanks!!!
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
you suck la shaun
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
OMG its called VISHNUDHARAN!!
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
dont know how to find lyric also
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
its a sign!
lol
artemis scythe★ says:
its a sign that you shouldnt enter?
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
good one.
nasri arieyanto says:
wtf are you dim-witted bigoted pricks talking about?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
whos boy george?
artemis scythe★ says:
omg
YOU DONT KNOW WHO'S BOY GEORGE?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
haahah
artemis scythe★ says:
NASRI
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
that i
artemis scythe★ says:
SLAP HIM
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
SHOULD
artemis scythe★ says:
NOW
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
cez its VISHNU!
who the hell is that???
artemis scythe★ says:
you shouldnt cause you dont know who boy george is
you know culture club?
nasri arieyanto says:
oh i will
fucking i will slap hoim
him*
NESSA GIVE ME AN UMBRELLA
HARUNA
SLIPPERS!
NOW
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
who is he?
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
HEELS
nasri arieyanto says:
he's the next president of USA after barrack obama
cool guy
he's indian
cool huh
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
and why the hell is he like me??
nasri arieyanto says:
first a black president
then an indian
i dont kno
artemis scythe★ says:
casue
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
wait
artemis scythe★ says:
he wears eye liner
nasri arieyanto says:
maybe beacuse both are about to get fucking punch by me?
my god shaun
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
why are the electing a president so fast??
nasri arieyanto says:
because there's a war ocming
artemis scythe★ says:
CB LA
nasri arieyanto says:
didnt you know?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
they chose barrack after soo many months!
nasri arieyanto says:
yeah
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
that doesnt make any sense
nasri arieyanto says:
but after a tenure of 4 years, they gotta change
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
LOL
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
somemore his name is BOY
hahhahaha
nasri arieyanto says:
an indian president cool huh
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
nasri, slap him please
or just shove a spade up his ass
nasri arieyanto says:
his real name is Georgekumaran Sanskrit

sorry. cannot tahan. see, boy george changed his name.

2009-07-02T15:47:00.002+08:00

I want...

Dinner at Satay Club at Lau Pa Sat.
Timbre!
Cafe Iguana!
Trying out the Japanese BBQ place.
Ice cream!
Fish Head Curry.
Island Creamery!
Porridge at Tiong Poh Street.
October to come soon so that I can go Bangkok!
A job.
A boyfriend. (It seems to be a recurring theme.)
A picnic!
Go swimming. (I love it more than any sport in the world.
Get myself drunk. (Which I seem to be doing quite often now.)

And when I get older...

I want to be a singer.
A songwriter.
Writer, for books, magazines, whatnot.
Bartender.
Medic.
Actress.
Win a Grammy.
Win and Oscar.
Create a foundation for kids. (Even though I don't really like them when they're crying.)
Buy my mother her dream house, then I buy my own dream house.

In a list mood now.

I can't hide the marks.

2009-07-01T12:06:00.003+08:00

I told myself that I was going to do some writing today. But it seems that it's clearly not working. I woke up late, where my eye hurts, nose leaking and with a heavy heart. I've got so many things that I want to do but I've seem to have lost my motivation. Great. Lethargic. That's exactly what I'm feeling now.
I haven't written a decent song. I haven't written a decent chapter. It just seems that writing has left me. Creative juices have dried up but my tears haven't.
I miss the feel of the gardens and the night sky. I keep wanting to snuggle into bed to feel the warmth it offers. But even now I feel like running away from that.
It seems to be a problem that I've faced for far too long. I keep running away. Maybe it's the only way i know how to solve something. But I'm looking around me, thinking what is there to solve?
Claire? She ran away. She's never coming back.
Alot of people are running away from me. I can't help feeling that there's something wrong with me somewhere. Did I not treasure you enough? Or were my feelings too strong that I lost control? Or I just didn't know how to carry on when the past keeps coming back to haunt? I see you out of nowhere. I buried you deep in my head. I swore never to think about you that way again. I keep failing myself. I just keep failing.
The only way to make myself feel better is to go on a comfort food spree. So typical nessa, act now and think later. And then you regret it for as long as you live. Yes, right now, her regret is slowly killing her.
I miss late night talks. Until unearthly hours in the morning. I miss sleeping with a smile on a face. Waking up and feeling like life's worth living. Maybe I've just been lying to myself all these years and not know it. Right. I seem to be really good in doing that. It's hard to quit when you don't even know that it's there.
I'm off to do my hair later. If the appointment still holds. New hair colour means a new phase. Right, thats what I said for the haircut. Oh, that was to make myself feel better after some ex of mine had a real knack of making me feel like I'm not good enough. I'm happier without him. Who gives a shit if he has a bike. I'd rather someone who can drive.
Half the time, I have no idea what I was talking about.

1000.

2009-06-26T23:31:00.003+08:00

i was waiting for this moment.

BLOGSHOP IS UP YO.
click here!

happy shopping guys.

2009-06-26T09:53:00.000+08:00

to one of the greatest man on earth.
here's to you.
may you rest in peace.

2009-06-24T11:06:00.000+08:00

2009-06-23T22:13:00.000+08:00

I remember when I first held your hand, you were with her and my heart skipped a beat. I remember when you first told me how you felt and I couldn’t breathe. I remember telling you that it was not a good idea. You see, we’ve been friends longer than I can remember. Since we’ve started school I believe. I thought things will never change. I changed first. I’ll admit that much. But now, things have progressed to the point where I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.
I ignored my feeling and pushed everything aside so that things can be normal again. And the plan worked until you changed. And now everything is in the air, falling down on us. You’ve said how you feel but that not the way you’re acting. I said that the time wasn’t right but I don’t think you’ve tried to make it right. Everything else just seems to be more important right now. Everything is more important than your family, your friends, even me. Maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe I just want you to myself. Maybe I just don’t want to share.
I want to give us a shot and I want to try. But if the time now isn’t right. Then when is the right time? When every chance we get passes us by? I miss you next to me. I miss the time at the bench with your head on my lap. I miss the times when we would go out and bicker non stop. Because that’s just who we are. And I thought that nothing could change that. I thought wrong.
It’s the perfect example of me wanting to go back time and change some things. Take back some of the words. Change the way I said them. It seemed right at the moment. Everything seemed right at the moment. So now as every emotion threatens to erupt and consume me. I try not to cry, I try to be stronger. I try not to be jealous. Because if that was your plan, to show me how much I depended on you, it’s working. Extremely well indeed.
So I don’t know what I’m expecting or hoping. I don’t know what I want or need. And I don’t think you do either. I just want to sort things out. We just don’t seem to have the guts to talk things out. Or even mildly address the issue. But the problem is there. And it’s going to be there for a long time.
I'm done.

2009-06-17T21:23:00.002+08:00

i had a really bad nightmare last night. to the point where i woke up crying.
not supposed to be the case but it did happen.
i dreamt that my grandma was dying.
and everyone knows how much i love her.
and there was blood everywhere.
damn.
the worst part was that i was trying so hard to save her but i kept getting pushed away.
i think its the feeling where you're getting pushed away that really gets to you.
esp when you want to help someone you love so much.
and that feeling constantly leaves you angry and bitter.
knowing that you can't do anything about it but to stand there and let everything fall to pieces.
but when it comes down to the end, who's to blame?

i had a song in my head last night.
i should have written it down.
and save me from a headache.
when my creativity is out the door.
something this good pops out and i do nothing about it.
i'm going to be a fucking failure when i grow up.

you know those hugs that consumes you.
those hugs that makes you melt on the inside.
those hugs that makes you feel like everything is going to be alright even though things are already in the gutter?
i need one of those.
it has been really long since i had one of those bear hugs.
ain't got no one fleshy enough to give it to me.
yes, these kind of hugs need a lil flesh to make it all better.
what in my life do i need to make better?
well, i need someone like nick to get off my back.
for real, which note to self, ignore him.
i already did.
need to find a job.
need to have the courage and determination to go to CD.
cause somehow i dont feel like i have the strength to do it.
no matter how much i want to do it.
and i want a chance, with you.

i got candy blue nails.
i got my new manicure/pedicure set for less than ten bucks.
no. i only bought the nail file and buffer and base coat and top coat. for 9 bucks.
bought three nail polishes.
omg.
i can open up my new manicure shop with jane!
which reminds me that i need to get new nail colours.
i bought neon green.
and candy pink i think.
needs to buy more nail stuff.
not working in an F&B line does has its perks.

does anyone know where i can get new SD card at a really good price?
i dont have all the money in the world to spend and i dont like going to Sim Lim because there's alot of weird people there.

okay, shutting up now.

2009-06-17T00:05:00.001+08:00

asking you to take me away is just too much.

2009-06-12T00:20:00.004+08:00

i spent 4 hours in town today, alone and in the most painful shoes ever.
never buy pretty looking things ever again!

twitter says that they're having a tweet overload. haha. what a thing to have.
its stupid as to how miley cyrus announces her break up discreetly on twitter.
and i get to see the hotness of megan fox. in purple. the best shit ever. i take back what i said to almost everyone. she's not a tranny.

true blood coming out on sunday, so i get something to look forward to every monday now.

anyhoo, i was in town today for four hours and i spent 80 bucks in about 20mins. dont ask me how. its the lure of the comics. bought the redeemer.

this is graphic novel at its definition. because its like a novel. literally. with paragraphs of narration and graphics by the side. not your typical comic book.
bought two uncanny x-men comics as well. but not as awesome as the redeemer.

so, dave was late. as usual. but it was fun. had soup spoon but he was complaining as to how he preferred subway. I LIKE THE SOUP.
was walking all over town. and we had ice cream and dempsey.
botanic gardens at night is creepy as hell but it was pretty. with the occasional water splashing from god knows where.

i dont understand teen celebs.

2009-06-10T22:21:00.003+08:00

in the midst of finishing capt 12.
this is going to be a long one.

spent the best 2 hours of my time today doing my nails.
i need iced lemon tea to finish my chapter.
and old bensin songs to keep me going.
saosin can join in as well.
no sappy emo songs for me.

I GOT DISTRACTED BY PEREZ HILTON! )):

okay, i'm now a good girl who is on to do chapt 13.
then chapt 14 which will be the last one.
YAY!

2009-06-09T00:19:00.002+08:00

pictures of us always makes me smile.
then the question of what if pops up.
what if we took that step together?
would it be perfect?
no, i'd rather it not.
i get bored of perfection quite fast.
lets wait for the right time.

the past few days have been an absolute bore.
and i cannot imagine why.
without a job, no boyfriend.
i seem to have nothing. haha.
emphasis on the boyfriend.

bought too many books, now i'm kinda broke from all that.
to think that i was saving money to go waxing.
i guess i'll have more money when i have a job then.
it always makes everything easier.

its been a boring post and i know it.
i want to get a Blackberry and so does Dave.
cause it looks amazing.
and for a text freak like me, it exactly what i need.
i can text and tweet all the time.
i need to stop being lazy.
i havent eaten properly in the past week because of it.
i shall go and buy something home to cook or at the very least, eat.
i'm missing LJS all of a sudden.

i'm in a rambling mood.
like firti always does.
miss that bitch.

still waiting for a text.
somehow i know that it wont come.

the only thing to look forward to now is thursday.
hopefully thursday does happen.

off to watch interesting parts of life.

oh, i'm saving the 1000th post for something special.
hopefully.

2009-06-07T15:21:00.002+08:00

long overdue pictures of jess' 22nd birthday can be found on facebook.
so can the drunkard pictures of Jbar.

no mood for blogger or twitter. damnit.

2009-05-31T12:51:00.003+08:00

No point waiting now. Because its over even before it started. More possibly it was my fault for thinking too much. For wishing too much. For hoping too much. Maybe i just wanted too much out of you.
ButI can't help myself. I tried to forget and I tried to move on. Nothing works that way anymore. The heart tries to be strong but its crumbling. How silly of me to give my love to you like loose change when all I'll ever be to you is like a bad penny in the rain.
Maybe I should have given up a long time ago instead of trying harder. Then maybe I wouldn't shed these tears. I'm chained to the ground and I can't get up. Its like both our worlds crashing down upon me. I can keep on wishing for fairytales but then I'll just be lying to myself. And I'm done with that. I'm done with alot of things.
I told myself that I want to change. I did, I told myself. but I keep falling to the same trap. I'm not stupid and I'm not helpless. But I continue to do so. This time, its enough.

This is my imaginary goodbye to someone who never should have been a part of my life.

2009-05-31T12:33:00.002+08:00

some girls, have everything you've ever dreamed of.
some girls, have the kind of love you'd only see in fairytales.
some girls, dont have a moment to stop and ask themselves if they're lonely.
some girls, have promises of forever.
some girls, dont even have the time to doubt about themselves.
some girls, smile to themselves when they read a text.
some girls, have butterflies in their stomach.

i'll never be that girl.
i'll never be the one you're waiting for.
i'll never be the one who stops doubting.
i'll never get that promise of forever.
i'll never stop smiling when i think of you.
i just killed all the butterflies in my stomach.

2009-05-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

thank you cs.
you're a friend indeed.

2009-05-30T17:16:00.000+08:00

i just broke my own heart with false hope and lies.

its never going to happen.

2009-05-30T10:31:00.002+08:00

TEAM HITSUGAYA FTW!
i hate how i have to wait every week. and every week leaves me with a cliff hanger. damnit.

anyhow. last two days was feast galore. like crazy. buffet at Carousel. AMAZING. haha. i think i ate 5 days worth of food. that was omg. oh so good. esp the bread and butter pudding. best i ever had.
pictures will be up soon. if i wasn't so lazy.

yesterday we went shopping for cousin. meeting him again on monday. bought him 4 shirts at 50 bucks. haha. cheap stuff. went to Hog's Breath with awesome dinner cause the steak was damn good la. omg. huge and good. and expensive.

karaoke was the best.

pictures up real soon!

2009-05-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

here's to all my ex boyfriends who owe me money.
how about returning them?
knn.

OH THE WHOLE OF MAY.

2009-05-27T20:08:00.008+08:00

so remember the day where i was talking about tanning and big purchases? well, overdue pictures.

i look slimmer eh?

anyway, so i went to my mother's new/old workplace. same difference anyway. and i saw this warthog ornament. and i tell you. this animal has some big balls.

you can't beat balls made out of silver.

puff-a-fish.

just because this looks shit assed cute.

everyone, meet cousin Andrew.

chocs from NZ. but please be forewarned. cause explicit content ahead.

seriously one of the best i've ever eaten.

jess has a thing for using an elephant nose to clean her nose and using a ladybug mirror to check if its clean.

complete 60s flashback. mcm flashdance.

assulted by a ikea octopus.
kaira!
i buy this one for you and send it to auckland?
since you never bring the one i buy for you the other timeee.

2009-05-26T23:50:00.001+08:00

i've been told that a cheater is always a cheater.
i've got my pride and she's got you.

2009-05-25T18:59:00.001+08:00

CURRY FISH HEAD ANYONE?

2009-05-24T15:04:00.002+08:00

i have yet to do anything fun in a long while. so this might come as a shocker to you.

last night, Jane, Ross and I crashed my aunt's condo. haha. we were supposed to meet at about 8plus? haha. but i ended up meeting them at about 10plus. blame it on christie's lack of direction. because its really that bad. even with GPS. so we went into to pool only about almost eleven. the bestest thing on earth was that hte pool wasn't even that cold.

TEAM HITSUGAYA!

anyway. ate too much. played wii until the wee hours of the night. watch cartoons while Ross slept and singing to the theme songs of cartoon and Disney channel shows. HAHA. drove all the way to Kallang for breakfast at 4 in the morning. which was good breakfast. should do this again sometime. because the company was great. now i have to go find the many pictures that me and my cousins took at One Fullerton.

2009-05-21T14:07:00.002+08:00

next friday would be a day of trigger happy.

my hair is in a mess. my fringe is all over my face. maybe its something cool. i dont know. i shouldn't have looked at sherilyn's pics on facebook because they make me crave for ikea food. the best-est thing everrrr.

i have too much time in my hands and i spend them all lazing around. probably the reason why i put on weight. omg. fat!

2009-05-17T20:32:00.002+08:00

things that would prob perk me up tomorrow.
white choc mocha. iced since the weather is so hot now.
iced lemon tea. must see if 7-11 got promotion or not.
shakthee.
cousin and having dinner with him. oh how amazing cousins are.
class ends early tomorrow. as it always does.

test on tuesday. even though i have no school.
better be done with chapter 12 soon.

the reason why my blog is not interesting is because i dont have a life as of this moment.
need to find a bf or a job.
either way its just as satisfying.

2009-05-17T13:53:00.002+08:00

amongst the things planned fr the holidays.
prawning.
zoo.
night safari.
SHOPPING. my cousin would love tt.
baking.
chilling.
oh life is so good.

2009-05-14T14:41:00.001+08:00

just one night couldn't be so wrong.
you make me wanna lose control.

2009-05-13T21:39:00.003+08:00

so i got the new Anita Blake comic. WHICH MAKES ME VERY HAPPY. which also means i have to wait for half a year for the next volume to come out. but this is one volume that made me love the moment i read it because it is now labeled mature content. meaning, its more gruesome. more blood and more words you obviously dont want your babies' first words to be. conisdering that i dont have the first few books of the Anita Blake series because they paperback version of it doesn't match the new one. OCD on my part but it's still alright. i have the laughing corpse on a novel but i have not got a chance to read it. cause everytime i see it i get emo because it doesn't look the same as the rest of my novels. time to save money and get the rest of the novels. at the mean time. i'm enjoying my graphic novel of the month!

had hong kong foos with CS today. and i tell you now ah. i miss HK as of now. all the amazing food there. if there wasn't swine flu, i think if i beg my mother hard enough, she'll agree to go with me.

okay. my mine reason of blogging is done for the day. HAHA.

soon it'll be the holidays.

2009-05-12T15:40:00.003+08:00

i know its been years. but i miss the friend in you. its like everytime i talk to you now, i get dissed. like im not worth it. maybe im not. maybe, i just want to give this friendship another try. like i said. i missed the friend in you.

and i know i let you have all the power.
its like you're a drug.
its like you're a demon i can't face down.

2009-05-11T10:53:00.003+08:00

i wont be down about losing my job. but kinda sad that i have to be supported by my mum after this.
this is a opportunity for me to have some time to rest until i start my career. yeah. to do things that i havent had a chance to do since i'm so busy with work. find time to go get drunk. go out and enjoy the crap out of myself. get a new hobby. help out with my aunt's new shop. hmmm. WHAT ELSE? go out with friends that i havent met in a long long time. yeah. good idea.

can people volunteer information as to what new hobby i should get?
maybe i should go for guitar lessons.
or imporve on skateboarding.
or.
I DONT KNOW.
too much time on my hands now.

2009-05-10T16:45:00.003+08:00

if you keep talking, i'll keep listening.
if you keep walking, i'll keep following.
if you keep trying, i wont give up.
cause you're all i have now.
i dont know why but i can't help myself.
because when you're here, there's no one else.
my heart is consumed by you.
i know these feelings are way overdue.
i thought i tried.
but i know i havent tried enough.

2009-05-10T14:04:00.000+08:00

i need a hug. maybe a huge one.
i just need to be enveloped.

2009-05-10T11:22:00.001+08:00

it kinda sucks knowing that just cuase someone doesn't like you, they can get rid of you just like that.
just lost my job. not the bestest feeling in the whole wide world. i thought that i could keep it until i get to go to civil defence.
oh well.

not in the mood for much now.

and i'm counting down to june((:

2009-05-08T17:52:00.004+08:00

so, off to see star trek last night. an impulse kind of thing with Ben. and the movie? WAS FUCKING AWESOME. wayyyyy better than X-men. and thats saying something since i'm always biased.

had cookies.
drinks.
alot of fun times.

okay. gushing now.

and. i can't believe that he is the first one i had a debate about X-men with and lost. FUCKING HELL. but hey. there were times i could have danced in my toes.

as much as i would like to say that things are getting better. i think we're going nowhere.

i want to go prawning! way better than fishing and getting the hook hooked on your ankle. haha. PRAWNING! cousin? can i go?

i want to go somewhere i've never been before. do things i've never done before. maybe take a random bus trip. drop off at some random place. and discover that new random place. okay. FUN.

2009-05-07T13:50:00.001+08:00

the heart just can't stop beating.
i can't stop breathing.
i dont know whats going on.

2009-05-06T21:31:00.003+08:00

okay, this is for kaira cause the tagboard will be too small and i never seem to catch her online.

i wish you were here too. )): i got so much to tell you. like. alot of things. i miss you and i want to give you a huge hug. is it possible through cyberspace?
that one was for the tagboard. haha.

i think its better to tell you in point form no? so here it goes.

he came back from taiwan ytd. you know who he is.
he offered to pick me up from school tomorrow. so i bet you can hear me scream all the way in auckland.
and i hope that you're protected against the yucky flu.
need me to send masks over? i think i can steal some from school.
i'm still learning how to make oreo cheesecake for you.
its failing really badly by the way.
i miss you kaira.
and if i say i miss you anymore i bet im going to cry again.
it feels different here without you.
i miss your rants about that ace fella who i bet just became uglier.
i hope you're taking good care and eating something else other than instant noodles.
kill the mental patient person for me. cause they scare me.
please continue breathing and stay strong!
and i miss you.

i'm still trying hard to save money kaira!

2009-05-06T10:28:00.001+08:00

THANK THE SWEET LORD AND LL THINGS THAT ARE HOLY.

HE'S FINALLY HOME. ND PICKING ME UP FROM SCHOOL TOMORROW. THIS IS BEEN THE BEST WEEK SO FAR.

2009-05-04T10:24:00.002+08:00

okay, diagnostic imaging is a challenge so far. never mind, lets just talk about the past few days cause i seem to be missing from cyberspace since tuesday. which is almost a week.

so thursday was the day for tanning. which didnt work out that well since the sun was hidden by the clouds that looked damn ominous. but my new bikini made me feel happy. there are stars and hearts and rainbows on them. but thats besides the point. singapore needs to stop raining soon. and give me some sun so i can get darker! so payday was on thursday. THANK GOD FOR THAT. cause that landed me in a major shopping spree. spending alot of money in less than an hour. so i got myself a new bra. a new top which i love. a new hat. HELLO FEDORA! i finally have you in my arms. a new necklace. new earrings. two pairs of new shoes in two days. and so, now i'm broke. thank god for a back up plan. now my feet hurt and thats just random. and shakthee's lucky cause her boyf gets to come back after just one week in taiwan cause of the swine flu. when he's supposed to be there for a year. so hopefully ben has to come back soon too.

okay, here's the pan for now purchases. haha. one comic a month. one top a month. i shoe every 3 months. my mother is so going to freak at that. a new bra every month. i think. by the end of the year, the amount of clothes i have. is going to make my closet burst at the seems.

i am hungry. subway is going to open in school soon!
ALRIGHT!

alright, im off to get some food now and i'll be right back to complete what i've started. i need to post pics up here but i'm just too damn lazy to do them. HAHAH. die la.

i am the happiest girl in the world to now what IVAN is in school too! yes, he is the one other guy who is not famous that can make me hyperventilate the way i'm too used to doing.

and i found out that ahmad and andrew are in the same class and chicken rice is still swimming in my stomach. and now i'm not typing in paragraphs cause i'm doing too many things at one that firefox decides to not give a shit about my spell check. i have no balls to register la. die die die. see la. say other people no balls then i myself dont have. BLOODY FUCKING HELL.

okay. i'm going to shut up now.

my heart can't take much.

oh, time to start working on my new song.
first song alrd up on LJ. and i really need to shit
2 songs? DIE LA.

2009-04-28T16:40:00.001+08:00

i need to do a proper update soon.
okay. shopping tomorrow. and tanning on thursday. bestfriend on friday. what a busy week ahead. i love the people in my life.

2009-04-27T11:20:00.001+08:00

pictures are on FB.
heart's on my sleeve.
i guess everything is just dandy.

2009-04-25T17:50:00.001+08:00

face it.
YOU'RE THE BLOODY PROBLEM!

2009-04-24T14:01:00.002+08:00

you see, i tried to find my way but i got lost. i almost had you but you ran away. i kept looking for something that i thought was there. but i guess that i was wrong. you weren't here. the dull ache, i thought that ti would fade. but it still remains. ive tried and now, its probably your turn.
they say dont seek it, let it come find you. but love is like death. you know its there and its coming. but it will never hit full force until it has arrived. i still remember how your hand was in mine. i remembered how happy you've made me. i've been trying to look for something that could possibly come as close to this as possible. but maybe, this is one of those once in a life time kind of things. and it doesn't work that way. maybe the more that i try, the more it wants to run away from me. i thought i was strong, but i've never felt weaker. because i let myself into temptations. doing things that i'm not proud of. doing things that i never thought that i would do.
i want to run away and escape. i just want to leave everything behind. but then again, what good will that do? i want to look into your eyes and say that i've done it. and that you'll look back at me and smile because you're proud of me. i want to thank god everyday that i've found you but then i wished that i never did. that first kiss, that first time. things we would do that make people think that we're mad. but it seems totally logical to us. like jumping into the pool with all our clothes on. speeding in the middle of the night totally wasted. hidden kisses at hidden parties. in the world there was only me and you and no one else. you were the only thing that i ever had and the only thing i've ever held on to. probably even after so many years. you were that one memory that i'm not letting go. you were my love and my death. you were everything. you were my life but you let yours slipped away. i tried to rid myself of you but then you'll come back stringer than ever. i think i should stop lying to myself. stop telling myself that you're gone becuase you've never left me. you're a part of me as everything else. you're that one thing i dont ever ever want to let go. you're the one thing i got right. and you're my biggest mistake.
here's to you. for all the laughter. because i've never laughed harder with anyone else than when i was with yout. thank you for the tears. because everytime i cried you wiped them away for me. thank you for the pain, because you always shared them with me. thank you for the love because you never stopped loving me.

this love that i have for you. happens only once in a lifetime.

2009-04-23T22:31:00.003+08:00

they say love is blind,
but please dont dig your own eyes out cause you love someone.

alright, the past two days was really good. no work nothing. just spent the day chilling out. okay, maybe yesterday i did a little bit of hard work of putting together my mummy's bedside drawers from Ikea. okay, now i want meatballs. i can say that i'm not bad when it comes to fixing stuff. better than someone i suppose, who doesn't know how to read instructions. i got myself i new comic book. Elektra; Scorpion Key. which i looked for for a long time. and i got this huge ass x men book thats huge ass and leather and the price was absolutely surprising. thank you for the really early birthday present.
so it was off to dinner with the whole family. YUMMY. i think i starved myself for two days for that day. good old Peranakan food. although i miss the ones that my godma would cook. but at least it tastes somewhat the same. but there was a woman who spoiled the whole dinner mood. she found an insect in her food and she made a big fuss about it. come on la. just fucking chill. at least the insect looks better than you and your thick ass glasses. and at least its less of a snob than you are. i bet the insect is cleaner than your armpits. thats besides the point. the food is amazing and i want to bring Samantha there one day. good food!
talking about Samantha. i met her today for dinner. we haven't met in a long while and i've missed her so. i'm happy that she's happy and her glow of happiness has made me happy. HAHA.

i've got so many pictures to post that i've begun to feel so damn lazy about it. maybe i can do it tomorrow. haha. it would be a better choice. PICTURES. tomorrow then you come back ah. or you go facebook tomorrow. I GOT A NEW HIGH SCORE ON BEJEWELED!

i dont want to see you get hurt again.
stay strong.

2009-04-22T10:36:00.000+08:00

happy birthday grandma!

i've never loved another woman more than you.

2009-04-21T10:35:00.002+08:00

you see, i thought that the first day of school with be fun if you get to new in interesting people. it seems that i'm wrong.

anyway, now LJ is going to be for my songs. haha. i dont careeee.

its times like this i need to o home and sleep. SERIOUSLY. and i had every intention of skipping with Shakthee and go watch a movie. but i think laziness got the better of me. cause. i have no intention of leaving my chair now except to go eat. damnit.

2009-04-19T21:12:00.002+08:00

alright, here's the thing.

me and my mother, seriously need to go for communication classes. because we can't seem to talk to each other without trying to tear each other's throat out. she says one thing and she denies saying it ten mins later. like WTF. she keeps insisting that she's right. and she has short term memory loss. meaning, SHE REPEATS EVERYTHING AT LEAST 43 TIMES. yes. God is trying to teach me to be patient. but at this rate. he's going to teach me how to be a murderer too! okay. i need to breathe.
right now, i'm very low on vitamin M. meaning money. anyone wants to donate to the vannessa lee foundation? any amount also can. i've spent so much money on comics and food. its a mirecle that i actually lost some weight. anyway. on a good note. i got 5 volumes of Grimm Fairy Tales. i think one of the best investments i've ever made. considering that i'm so in love with it. and talking about comics, i kinda lost my Mervel 1602. FUCK. one of my favourites. thats like the only comic that i have with all the aother Marvel characters. damnit. why the hell does life have to be so unfair.
i want to watch 17 again. but havent gottent he chance to do so yet. and no one to watch it with. i think my cousin is so stuck on studying that she can't watch a movie or else she's going to forget all her notes. i think i need to buy her new pants. and i need to get myself a new laptop. since we're talking about new stuff. and new bags. and new shoes. new skirts. i dont think i need new jeans. just need to lose more weight. new tops. cause what i have now is mostly tank tops and t shirts. so not lady like. new shoes. but i think i've already mentioned that. new dresses. even though i just got one. i really wanted the polka dot one. MAYBE A NEW BOYFRIEND. yeah. new things. A NEW HAIR COLOUR. alright. people keep complaining that i'm changing my colour too often damnit. I DONT CARE.

i need to shut up.

2009-04-19T21:00:00.002+08:00

how i wish i was fifteen and hopelessly in love.

i didnt consult my diary.
i barely did anything today except to go to ikea and buy a cabinet for my mother. who thinks its funny to carry to vivo a cabinet that weighs ten kg. thank god we didnt.
i'm still waiting for him to come back. opera in the park, here we come!
what i dont get is how feelings can always suddenly creep up on you and take you unaware. but i dont like that feeling. it creeps me up for real.

2009-04-18T18:13:00.001+08:00

so i had a wonderful dinner last night with godma and my godsis.
really wonderful.
eventhough tears flowed and harsh words were exchanged. we all realise something about ourselves.
something we should really do again.
time to consult the ever pretty diary.

IN MAY.
KEBAYA!
finally.
i'm proud to be who i am.

2009-04-16T21:03:00.001+08:00

i want to change the way things are now. i really do.

ANYONE HAS PART TIME JOBS TO OFFER NESSA?
besides making coffee?

2009-04-14T22:30:00.001+08:00

OMFG.

cs, call me.
i got damn good new to tell you.

2009-04-14T22:05:00.002+08:00

i have alot inside. i really do.
i wish i could let it all out but i dont know how to do it before i suddenly break.
cause my heart is cold.
where's your hand for me to hold?
i'm waiting here for you with a picnic baskets and i'd ask the stars to shine for you.
i thought i could wait for weeks but i guess i'm wrong.
five weeks is too long to go through.
even if the next day approaches, it'll be too long.
i remember the night out with you.
oh that was fun.
but it's the curtain's cue.
and i'm coming undone.
i can't wait until you're home with me again.
i remember you next to me way back when.

2009-04-13T23:40:00.001+08:00

I AM YOUR MOTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

2009-04-13T21:29:00.002+08:00

You lift my feet off the ground you spin me around
You make me crazier crazier
Feels like i'm falling
And i'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier


i miss you.



i don't think any one matters as much as you do now.
i don't want things to change despite how difficult things may be right now.
despite how these feelings are threatening to explode.
i can't change they way you make me feel.

2009-04-12T16:30:00.000+08:00

you're like an indian summer in the middle of winter.

2009-04-10T19:38:00.009+08:00

The Rules of the Tagging Game are:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Write six random things about yourself.
4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each of the six persons know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up

Okay, let me put up six women I want to be. Cause I just can't be bothered to be random when I've listed out 50 random things about myself a couple of weeks back.

Anne Boleyn.
Simply because she is one woman who caused King Henry to pull away from the Catholic church so that he could marry her. She was also the one King Henry loved the most. She was one of the women in history who caused so much of disturbance to a kingdom. One could hardly wonder what was going through her mind. Incredibly smart if not over ambitious, which ultimately caused her death.

Elektra.
An assassin, trained in the ways of the ninja. Trained to kill and not be bothered about it. Died and came back to life. Holds a degree and a record of the highest kill. Not to mention the awesome body, the sais and the red outfit. Who can resist the red outfit?

Blair Waldorf.
The Queen B (Bitch) of the UES. Need I say more. She had Chuck. Need I say more? All those hairbands. Need i say more? I don't think i do.

Kelly Clarkson.
The first American Idol and the best in my books. Love her and everything about her. Her voice, her confidence and her wanting to be herself to the point where she went against Clive Davis to release her third album which was amazing by the way. But I guess it didn't do well because of all the negative press. Damn. But i would love to be her any day of the week.

Rogue.
Simply because I love her. And I love her hair. But to be her, you'd have to be strong, mentally. Because to touch would be to kill. Imagine not being able to touch someone, especially some one you love, as long as you love. Well, that sucks. If she had not kill herself by now, I'd say she's mentally very strong. Plus, she can fly.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Because she is an icon. I mean, who the heck can kill vampires and love 2 and look good at the same time? Only she. Simply Because I want Angel and Spike all to myself.

I tag; Rosey. Samantha. Fitri. Nasri. Christie. Tabitha.

CS im done!

P.S; there are so many more women i want to list down. but these are my top 6. i wanna be Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato and many many many many more. )):

P.P.S; i was angry with my mummy but then i decided not to be becuase she bought be an electric toothbrush!

P.P.P.S; i need new shoes!

2009-04-08T21:26:00.003+08:00

well, i was online last night trying to do some stuff. like watch dramas and something when dave gave me a webbie. i passed it on to a few people by the way. like nasri and haruna. so i figured i'd share them with you too.

THEY SAY ONE.

so, its set up by a group of guys and this is what the blog's about.

'THEY' is probably the most impactful person in this world. Why? Because of them, 'THEY' created millions of myth that's yet to be solved. 'THEY' can be amongst us. 'THEY' can be your forefathers, your grandparents, parents, your brother, sister or even your bestest best friend. 'THEY' are the one who cause fear. 'THEY' are also the one who arouses curiousity. 'THEY' are the ones we are looking for. Cause 'THEY' say...

who said?

THEY SAY...

i'm tired and im still sick.
worst of all im missing you.
my short fuse isnt helping any.
not talking to anyone until i'm normal again.
tomorrow maybe.

warning; long post.

2009-04-07T09:31:00.009+08:00

so, yesterday jane and i had a long day. but since she woke up late, it was not as long. we off we went to see the doctor for my weird periods. haha. a funky experience i must say. not something i would do anytime soon when women with HUGE ASS stomachs wobble around. no, something i dont want to see so soon. anyway, i'm not going to post pictures of my womb here. cause i dont understand the pictures myself. so i have medication. and i think i should be kind and show you what it is.

cause they say its specialist, i have to pay 170++ bucks.

three months worth of pills.

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS! sugar coated and dated. hahaha. to tell you not to miss it or you have funky hormones.

so off we went, running away from bishan that made me half broke, we went to town. but not before buying more medicine. one for my horrible flu, the other for jane's horrible gastric. so we went to town when jane had craving for Crystal Jade when we had pasta bare two hours before.

Jane's many medication compared to mine.

but mine was more expensive.

WHO THE FUCK CHARGES 30CENTS FOR A FUCKING CLASS OF WATER?
at least they refilled it.

OH. new sunnies from F21. loves!

happy happy dim sum steaming in a pot.

short hair version 2. yes, its the second time i've cut it in a month. hahah. not a very good pic. but be happy kaira.

oh, and i finally met dave a.k.a dunfu a.k.a toufu. so it was off to fish and co! love fish.

i'm sorry, he got possessed.

ONE BITE AND YOU'RE HOOKED!

its the second time we've tried this and we still can't manage to finish the sharkie freeze.

the one at Heeren is practically empty. i swear.

SHORT ENOUGH?

cause you're black, you're white.

HELLO N.Y.D.C!

abusive.

okay, i think i have enough of stupid pictures up here. i just have to wait for my cousin to upload subway pictures and you can see short hair version one. haha.

need to take meds now and wait for gossip girl. great.

2009-04-05T22:04:00.002+08:00

my mother's attempt on being funny.

why dont you put you bra on you Eeyore? then he'll look sexy.

EEYORE IS ALRD SEXY!

i'm your sinner.

2009-04-05T20:00:00.002+08:00

i just need to confess.
i do feel lonely sometimes and i just cant help myself.
right now, my sin is envy.
yes, envy. simply because i'm envious of everyone who walks past me who has their hands in someone else's.
it's all worse when you're sick. you wish that there was someone to ask you to take you meds. to bring you to the doctor even. or when you're hungry, buy you whatever you want to eat.
i'm not happy with the way i've handled somethings. but this, i didnt want. i dont know why i've been feeling like this for the longest time. loneliness. its not the best feeling to have.
the reasons why i can't write songs because they serve to remind me further as to how stupid i am for feeling this way.
the reason why there wasn't a proper update in a long time because i guess i simply wasn't up to it. looking at other people and seeing them feeling so warm inside. makes me want to cringe. in the sense that i should most probably haide and then die without anyone knowing.
i keep thinking that i should be stronger. really, i should.

ross was being all nice when she said that if i wanted, she could introduce me to her godbrother. by the name of sean/shaun. which ever way you spell it. they're all the same. and i LOL-ed on the spot. since i guess most of you would know why.

back to the point. i think, i shouldn't be looking for a relationship when i'm not ready. cause if i were to go into one now. i wont look before i fall. and that, will have repercussions for sure. i clearly remembered that last time that happened. i dont want to have my heart away from my body anytime soon.

widen my social circle. meet new people. yeah, how am i suppposed to do that when i'm sick beyond my means.

let me tell you this. my mucus, has blood in it. means i'm sick. if thats not enough justification, my leaking nose can fill up a swimming pool.

i need to have a talk with my mother about curfew.

so prom is about a few days away. i'm sure many people from rp are happy and excited about it. sorry, i'm just not a prom person. too many people. and too much fuss for me. so i didnt go to my sec school one. cause tt one had no guys. this one? simply not interested. am i going to regret it? nope. not my kind of thing.

see what i mean by i need to widen my social circle?

two more months.

2009-04-03T14:19:00.001+08:00

am i supposed to share now?
no. somethings are not meant to be done this way.

2009-04-02T21:49:00.002+08:00

officially on twitter.

and i'm almost done! whoo!

2009-03-28T20:05:00.000+08:00

now;
if i can marry.
i'll marry Demi Lovato in an instant.

2009-03-27T23:14:00.001+08:00

back to the same problem of loneliness.

oh wonderful joy.

and they call you mother.

2009-03-21T21:28:00.004+08:00

i guess this is my anthem for the time being.

i dont want to fall but sometimes i have to.
even if it hurts to do so.

anger in its purest form is you.
i just lost all my respect for you.
frustration in its purest form is also you.
you never listen do you?
and you're the purest form of disappointment.
becuase after 45 years, people would think you're the adult.
and you're wrong.
simple because you never listen.

tears will form.
but even if the anger is gone.
the hatred will still remain.

and i bet you forgot.

2009-03-19T23:53:00.001+08:00

after all's said and done.
and after everything we've been through.
i miss you.
and it makes my heart ache.

you bloody liar.
you dont even have her number.

2009-03-19T22:29:00.002+08:00

pain and loneliness ain't even the least of it.

you'll never understand.
what he's going through for you.
why not take a step back and see what you've become when the others are around.
pushover? i guess so.
cause you'll never think to put yourself in his shoes to see how hurt he is.

this aint right.
none of it is.
and to think that feelings were involved.

2009-03-17T23:07:00.000+08:00

i've just been labelled geek by the king of geeks.
kwan chun sang.

haha.

2009-03-16T21:36:00.001+08:00

saturday morning was amazing.

i think my whole outlook of him changed the moment i knew he was crying while watching "Marley and Me" but told me he yawned. thats why there were tears in his eyes.

that warmth.

2009-03-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

to whom it may concern.

I JUST CHOPPED MY HAIR.
its shorter than sherry's one now.

enjoy your weekends! i know i'm going to enjoy mine.

2009-03-11T23:05:00.001+08:00

dear kaira.

I DONT KNOW WHY YOUR TAGBOARD NOT WORKING YO! i cannot tag! and and and.
WHY ARE KIWI FRUITS SO EXPENSIVE? dont eat so much during winter okay? if not when you shit. shoot out kiwi seeds like machine gun bullets. HAHAHAHAH. i'm so funny sometimes.

and kaira?

I FUCKING MISS YOU!
and your hugs too ya?

2009-03-09T23:13:00.001+08:00

i finally got around to possibly upload pictures to face book.
including CNY ones. I KNOW I'M SLOW LA.

okay. i'm gonna enjoy myself

2009-03-07T13:26:00.002+08:00

i hate this job. i hate the people here even though there's not much of them. hate the fact that my boss is someone my mum knows. just hate it.

and im bearing with it cause of the money.

nessa-ology

2009-03-06T12:19:00.003+08:00

here goes quiz number one. cause i simply refuse to do it in FB.

it's harder than you think!! Here is what you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...copy and paste into your own note, type in your answers and tag a bunch of people - including me. Answers to be based on 'at this current moment'

Where is your cell phone - on the bed.
Your hair - is messy is irritating me.
Your father - is happily dead.
Your favorite thing - my bed.
Your dream last night - didnt dream.
Your favorite drink - ice lemon tea.
Your dream/goal - to be demi lovato.
The room you are in - my room
Your fear - i dont know it yet?
Where do you want to be in 6 years – in a recording studio.
Muffins - chocolate chunk.
One of your wish list items - money.
Where you grew up - singapore
The last thing you did - eat kfc that was 5 days old.
What are you wearing - PJs.
Your TV - theres only one in the living room.
Your pets - died a long time ago.
Your computer - is burnin' up for you baby.
Your life - could be worse.
Your mood - bored.
Missing someone - not exactly.
Your car - mini cooper convertible.
Favorite store - the whole of orchard.
Your summer - never gone.
Your favorite color - purple. red. black.
When is the last time you laughed - yesterday i guess.
Last time you cried - 2 days ago.
last person who email me - time to check it.
my favorite food - i eat too much to have a favorite.
a place I would rather be right now - in a hug.
The person I think most likely will respond – none?

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
- a character in a Hong Kong movie.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
- 2 days ago.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
- sometimes?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
- beef?

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
- they are spawn of satan.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
- depends?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
- even nasri says so.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
- yes sir!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
- if you pay me money to do.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
- fruit loops with choc milk.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
- i dont tie them in th first place.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FAVOUR?
- choc mint.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
- their smile?

15. RED OR PINK?
- pink is evil.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
- im comfortable with myself. thank you very much.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
- i cant really decide.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
- if they got no life like me la.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
- multi coloured shorts thats meant for sleeping. and who wears shoes at home?

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
- michelle branch.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
- purple!

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
- the smell of my bed.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
- a customer.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
- gymnastics.

27. HAIR COLOR?
- its brown and blone and ash and blue and pink and red and green. pick one.

28. EYE COLOR?
- black.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
- when i'm out. yeah.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
- so long as its food.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
- happy endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
- ben button with ben.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
- black tank.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
- summer.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
- both?

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
- none?

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
- none?

39.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
- re-reading my anita blakes.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
- i think i destroyed mine.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
- i didnt get to watch tv)):

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?
- the guitar.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
- rolling stones baby.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
- hong kong. haha.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
- maybe.

46. WHERE WERE U BORN?
- singapore.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
- ...

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
- havent met him yet.

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239

movies on this list. Copy this list mail, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's

next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the

bottom. Have fun!

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
() Fight Club
() Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane

Total: 3

( ) The Princess Bride
( ) AnchorMan
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total so far: 7

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
(x) American Pie Band Camp

Total so far: 12

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch

Total so far: 18

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots

Total so far: 22

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG

Total so far: 25

(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber

Total so far: 30

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards

Total so far: 36

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask

Total so far: 38

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Seven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George

Total so far: 43

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
( ) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2

Total so far: 47

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
( ) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3

Total so far: 53

(x) X-Men
(x) X-Men 2
(x) X-Men 3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

Total so far: 66

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin

Total so far: 69

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
( ) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
( ) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Total so far: 72

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three

Total so Far: 72

( ) The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
( ) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard

Total so far: 76

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
( ) Hook
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld

Total so far: 77

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness

Total so far: 79

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor

Total so far: 84

(x) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
( ) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal

Total: 85 i think i still got a little life. haha.

Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name followed by "ology"

IF I TAGGED YOU, PLEASE PUT THIS UP ON YOUR PAGE AS A NOTE AND TAG SOME OTHER PEOPLE!

***********FOOD-OLOGY*****

**********

what is your choice of salad dressing?
:: italian or vingarette. how ever you spell it.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
:: tcc always does it for me.

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
:: SUBWAY! EAT FRESH!

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
:: mushrooms. mushrooms. cheese. cheese. cheese. cheese. and mushrooms.

What do you like to put on your toast?
:: peanut butter and jam. nutella is good too but only with wheat bread.

**********TECHNOLOGY***************

How many television sets are in your house?
:: only one.

what color of cell phone do you have?
:: black and red and sexy.

***************BIOLOGY******************

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
:: i write with my right. steam milk with my left.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
:: i think no. my intestines are still where they're supposed to be.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
:: 36 cartons of milk.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
:: nope.

************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************

If it is possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
:: nope. just drop dead and die will be nice.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
:: dahlia.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
:: nope. i'll have a stomach ulcer after tt.

************DUMBOLOGY******************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
:: two and a half pairs.

When is the last time you had a run-in with the cops?
:: years ago.

Last person you talked to?
:: mummy.

Last person you hugged?
:: KAYLEEN.

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

Season?
:: autumn.

Holiday?
:: hong kong was good.

Day of the week?
:: saturdays. permernant weekends.

Month?
:: febuary. shortest month of the year.

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone?
:: yeah.

Mood?
:: bored.

What are you listening to?
:: oasis.

Watching?
:: csi:ny.

Worrying about?
:: a birthday present.

***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

First place you went this morning?
:: to pee.

What's the last movie you saw?
:: ben button.

Do you smile often?
:: i try.

***************QUESTIONS***************

1) Do you always answer your phone?
:: i answer them only when i know who's calling.

2) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
:: jane. cause i'll fall asleep texting her.

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
:: purple. haha.

4) What flavor do you add to your drink with tonic?
:: tonic shouldnt be drunk at all.

5) Do you own a digital camera?
:: yes i do. and i need to charge it.

6) Have you ever had a pet fish?
:: a fighting fish. but i killed it.

7) Favorite Christmas song?
:: eh. none?

8) What's on your wish list for your birthday?
:: this year's birthday is still so fr away.

9) Can you do push ups?
:: hell no.

10) Can you do a chin up?
:: nope.

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
:: like. i dont feel anything.

12) Do you have any saved texts?
:: yeah.

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
:: nope. claire is as safe as can be.

14) Do you have an accent?
:: when i get carried away i do.

15) What is the last song that made you cry?
:: taylor swift, i'd lie.

16) Plans tonight?
:: none.

17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
:: yeah.

18) Name 3 things you bought in the last week
:: havent been going shopping.

19) Have you ever been given roses?
:: yeah. but not from the person i wanted.

20) Current worry?
:: present. present. present.

21) Current hate right now?
:: work.

22) Met someone who changed your life?
:: a very special person.

23) How did you bring in the New Year?
:: working?

24) What song represents you?
:: that would be at least three albums wirth of songs.

25) Name three people who might complete this?
:: i. dont. know.

26) What were you doing at 12 AM last night
:: SLEEPING.

27) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
:: so not going to work.

top 5 lists.

top 5 girlfriends.
1. christe.
2. samantha.
3. haruna.
4. claire.
5. jessamine.

top 5 guy friends.
1. nasri.
2. shabin.
3. cs.
4. dave.
5. ben.

top 5 confidantes.
1. christie.
2. shabin.
3. escuadra. because they are one entity.
4. claire.
5. dave.

top 5 accomplishments.
1. falling in love.
2. having my heart broken.
3. discovering my real friends.
4. survived his death.
5. being who i am today.

top 5 happiest moments in your life.
1. seeing a rainbow.
2. when my daddy pushed me on a swing when i was young.
3. when my mother hugged me for the first time in 4 years.
4. everytime i see my friends.
5. everytime i get my paycheck.

top 5 holiday destinations.
1. italy.
2. prague.
3. new york.
4. paris.
5. BAHAMAS.

top 5 places to get married.
1. CHIJMES. everyone who's close to me knows i want to get married there.
2. the rest dont really matter to me.
3.
4.
5.

top 5 choices of wedding entourage.
1. samantha.
2. shabin.
3. escuadra.
4. christe.
5. my mother la.

top 5 dislikes.
1. VEGETABLES.
2. whiny things.
3. kids.
4. old people.
5. arrogance.

i think i was beyond bored.

2009-03-06T10:52:00.001+08:00

8 more days.

this is giving me a headache.

2009-02-24T11:37:00.002+08:00

lets just say, today is going to be a highly emotional day.

i didnt have a chance to spend the day with you.
lets just hope that i have enough money to go celebrate your 21st with you in Brisbane.
hopefully i do.
and i hope you still have my foam octopus.
the one that i gave you when you went to Cambodia.
the purple one?
yeah.
PASTE IT ON YOUR STUDY TABLE WHEN YOU'RE AT KIWI LAND!
i'll miss you loads.
i'll download skype just for you and get a mic so i can chat with you online.
i'll miss you.
all thats left is an oreo cheesecake and an iced latte.
<3

2009-02-23T10:34:00.001+08:00

alright. so i kind of passed all my modules this semester.
but GPA is like shit now. HAHA.
next sem is the time to pull everything up.

2009-02-19T21:54:00.001+08:00

GO CHAPTER 9 GO!

i can so do this.

2009-02-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

nasri arieyanto says:
okay
you in the shadows among those who dont know you right.
nessa.
you will always have the limelight when it comes to us
(:

he always says things to make me start crying like a baby.

random much?

2009-02-17T01:38:00.003+08:00

i love cheese but i hate cheese cakes.
ENO is the bomb.
i hate walking down the stairs/escalators.
i'm scared of clowns.
i'm scared of walking over drains.
the best thing on waffles is peanut butter and jelly.
i hate butter. but peanut butter is the best shit ever.
when i say you're my friend. i mean it.
my best friend is a guy.
i absolutely hate it when people dont reply my messages.
i'm scared of picking up calls from unknown numbers.
i have too many books.
on that note, i've read all my books at least twice.
which reminds me that i need to clear out some books of mine.
i get hungry at the weirdest times.
my fridge only has junk food in it.
i write too damn much for my own good.
i hardly get angry.
i mostly get pissed and annoyed.
samantha is the only one who's ever seen me angry and she knows the reason why. BETTER DONT LAUGH.
i have big dreams.
i hate instant noodle.
i cannot survive without rice.
i cant stand people without goals or ambitions.
im bisexual.
lady gaga is the shit.
i love my carbs.
i can swim 75 laps without stopping but i can't run 2 laps.
i'm very emotional.
but i can be totally insensitive.
i'm a real bitch. my friends can vouch for that.
i'm a real sucker for hugs. (they make me cry.)
i'm extremely lazy.
i've written and published a story.
crying helps me to think.
i love my godfamily to the point that i think i might die without either one of them. (alvin included.)
escuadra is the bestest shit ever.
and by the way, i came up with that name.
i name my pillows.
i get bored with my hair easily.
i like to pretend that im a pop star.
i hate kids. to me, they're the spawn of satan.
i have road rage even before i drive.
my mother and i have a love/hate relationship.
the best breakfast in the world is Fruit Loops with choc milk.
Nutella and whole meal bread comes in a close second.
the best pick me up is Red Bull with alot alot alot of ice.
best shitting recipe is prata and teh peng.
i had a real life husband since secondary school.
i fear the weighing machine now.

im done for now.

2009-02-13T21:21:00.002+08:00

it fucking hurts when you're lifted so high only to set you up for the greatest fall.
i was screaming on the phone with euphoria when you suddenly caused my heart to break apart.
i dont know why you did what you did.

heartbroken.
emotionally crippled.
barely existing.
all.your.fault.

these are the times when i dont know what you want out of me.

just let me be alone to think.
and to be stronger.
you wont be seeing tears out of my eyes.
no, not anymore.

2009-02-13T16:11:00.002+08:00

throughout everything that's been so confusing lately. its amazing that i can find somethings that are constant in my life. like her.
to me, its amazing as to how she hasnt change. she's been there for me through the best and the worst. and now, through the worst of confusions. it doesnt matter how complicated we are, she makes it simply that. simple. its funny how her comments can just slap you in the face and tell you that what you've been doing is wrong. it doesnt matter what you say to her. she'll still stick by you. just dont ask her why.
she's constantly not here. but when she is. its like she never left. and i love the way she does it.
here's to you.

2009-02-12T23:03:00.001+08:00

i dont need anyone but you.
thats why i'm here begging you please dont go.

2009-02-12T14:42:00.002+08:00

All I wanted was to be by your side. To comfort you when you're down. I want to be next to you when you're down to pick you up. I want you to know that you're the pinnacle of my day. I want you know know that there isn't a second that doesnt pass that I dont think of you. I want you to know that you're constantly in my heart.
I know that I have no right to have any claim. I know i have no right to say anything. But I hope that I have a right to love you.

reflejo.

2009-02-11T18:09:00.002+08:00

so one outing with sam left me in tears and breathless.
because i was so touched.
so we had dinner and we were supposed to go out and have donuts but the damn shop was gonna close. so change of plans. we went to have amazing banana cake as Han's. which was cheap and really really good. haha.
so we decided to have a long talk sitting outside Novena.
we talked about almost everything. like how we've been friends for 13 years. and that one line she said. made me cry. even thinking about it now it's making me cry too. maybe its cause i'm highly emotional. but thats not it. i guess it because its the last person i'd hear from. or maybe because i thought i would hear it from someone else. but i know i wont hear it from her.
so Sam, remember the pact that we made. until we're 35. or can change to 40? haha. when i said i'll be a friend to you. i'll be. even if its the past 13 years. for the next 30 years. we'll still be friends.

this goes to you guys out there. who i consider my friends.

monday was Benjamin Button.
amazing show i tell you. even though it made me cry every so often.
the even more amazing part was that my eyeliner didnt smudge. haha.
and it amazes me as to how a big guy like him is so afraid of the cold.

andimafraidoflosingyou.

i dont want to change for you.
i am happy with the way i am now.
even though i'm not perfect, im not complaining.
i dont want you to tie me down.
not you, not you.
i can do better.
i'm not going to change because of you.
so please, dont change because of me.
you'll find out that its not worth it.

2009-02-11T18:00:00.001+08:00

as of now, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN CHRIS BROWN.
never ever hit Princess RiRi.
she the queen.